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May 10, 2005
Why marry?
Everybody knows that government controls women's bodies through abortion legislation. There are other, less-recognized ways, as well—such as laws against cohabitation.
North Carolina is one of seven states that have laws prohibiting cohabitation of unmarried couples. The others are Virginia, West Virginia, Florida, Michigan, Mississippi and North Dakota. North Carolina appears to be the only state where the law is being challenged.
These laws are, of course, applied to the detriment of women. In 1977, in fact, BP and I decided to marry because of the cohabitation legislation in the state where we lived, West Virginia. I was divorced; my starter husband ("known as 'the rat'") and I had split custody of my son; and BP and I decided that a year of cohabitation was all the risk we should run. Yes, in West Virginia in 1977 I could lose custody of my child and even visitation rights if I was cohabiting. Hence I am married.
And incidentally, if anyone's ever wondered about the apparent contradiction of my referring to my spouse as my "partner" yet having his last name: yep, once again, it's state control of women's bodies and lives. When I divorced in 1976 in West Virginia, I had a child and therefore could not regain my maiden name. (When I was first married in 1966, it absolutely did not cross my mind to keep my maiden name.) So when BP and I married, I could keep the starter husband's name; pay a fortune to regain my maiden name (which by then was legal in that state); or take BP's surname. I picked Door Number Three.
Posted by senioritis at May 10, 2005 07:56 AM
Comments
Hmmm...I thought you liked to refer to your "partner" in order to confuse the gaydar of prospective students!
Posted by: susansinclair at May 10, 2005 06:07 PM
Well, that, too.
Posted by: senioritis at May 10, 2005 06:37 PM
I've been married twice: once in the 80's and again last year. Both times I kept my last name (Howard, coincidentally), and it has never ever crossed my mind that I would want my husbands' last names. But culture being what it is, I've had to deal with people calling me Mrs.Hislastname or looking at me like I'd grown another head. I'm sorry to hear that you felt forced to change your name though. That isn't right.
Posted by: joanna at May 10, 2005 11:00 PM
I don't know about the other states' laws, but the law in VA was specifically to prevent brothels (or at least the local statutes taht I'm familiar with from living in that state were). Having rented several places in college towns, they also use the law to prevent franternaties in specific and students in general from renting properties in quieter neighborhoods near campus. It's generally not illegal for four unrelated people to cohabitate, but (and this is my memory) five is off-limits (regardless of gender). Not many people paid attention to it, though.
And just you go ahead and try to change your name in your current state. When we checked, it cost $120 for the papers alone, and we would have had to retain counsel, which ain't cheap. In our previous incarnation, it was a $10 filing fee and a letter to the judge explaining why you wanted to change your name. Maybe we'll get back down there some day.
Posted by: TR at May 16, 2005 01:03 PM